so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
