the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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