Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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