I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
