You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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