She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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