i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
