we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
