There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
