he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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