It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
