My nipple is on Facebook.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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