if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
