shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
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A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
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I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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