where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
