FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
