So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
