I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I did not marry a roomba.
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