i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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