It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
