Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
