marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i wish my penis had a tongue
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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