is your mom at the bar?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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