why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize