I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
