He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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