final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
