Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
