you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
