Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
