Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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