Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
