im drinking this country out of the recession.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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