when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize