the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
