i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
