I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
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He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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