i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
