Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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