Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
