so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
