U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
