I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
