I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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