I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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