Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i love accidental penises.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
