ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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