i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
