sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
