rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
