Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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