The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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