Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
