So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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