I will die if light touches me.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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