My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize