Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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