dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
