I puked a lego.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
