I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
