oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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