don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
