if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
