Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
