Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
