the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
