the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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