Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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