so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
