i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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