So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
