I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
