i permit you to call me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
