Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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