i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
