THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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