If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
