we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
