dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
