Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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